When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
