why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
