I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
