was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
