His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
