I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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