How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want to fling myself into the sun
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
