we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love accidental penises.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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