It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
