ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
