Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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