I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
