I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
