bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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