all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
