So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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