her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
