angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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