New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
