If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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