I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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