remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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