If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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