so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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