it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
