if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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