If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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