Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
