Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
