Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
