Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
