i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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