i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
