Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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