You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
