You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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