I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
