This dress was meant to end up on your floor
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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