I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
