I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize