so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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