the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
