I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
