last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
