I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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