A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
