Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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