we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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