is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
