i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off