Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.