I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?