I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.