Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours