You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
