There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
