Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
