the condom got lost in my hair
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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