This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There r osticjed everywhere
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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