Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
