I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
