How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
