im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
