I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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