I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
