You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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