thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I understand Curling. That high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
