I think i sorta joined a cult last night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize