So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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