Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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