Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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