I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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