Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i think my cat just said my name.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
