I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
