i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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