you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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