32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need to align my fucking chakras
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
