Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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