i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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