4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
