Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
